The inner battle.

I've had a rough couple of weeks. I felt really overwhelmed, burned out, and even got sick last weekend. I couldn't even get out of bed. It seems like whenever I don't give myself time to rest, my body finds a way to make me slow down, no matter how inconvenient it is.

I still struggle a lot with feeling guilty about resting, and I know many musicians feel the same way. We tie so much of our identity to our music that when things aren't going well professionally or we're not as productive as we'd like, we feel like failures, like we're faking it - like we don’t belong.

On that note, imposter sindrome hit me hard yesterday. Even though I haven't been posting anything on social media for the past two weeks, somehow my number of followers increased. Instead of being happy about it, I felt angry and undeserving. I didn't want attention or appreciation; I just felt like I didn't belong.

The same goes for rest. As musicians, we often feel like we have to earn rest, but in our pursuit of perfection, rest feels like an impossible goal. Thoughts like "it's not good enough" and "I still have too much to do" are always on repeat in my head, and I know I'm not the only one. But putting our bodies and mental health on the back burner most of the time isn't sustainable.

I recently read a quote that said, "burnout doesn’t come from working too much, but from working with things that you hate." I strongly disagree with this. The problem with working in something we love is that the lines between work and free time get blurry, and resting can feel like we're not passionate or committed enough.

But resting doesn't mean we don't love music. Like any other profession, we need to know when to step back and find activities that help us unwind, taking them as seriously as our work. That's why it's so important to set clear boundaries between work and free time, especially for creatives who work with what they love. Resting with guilt isn't really resting, and fighting against our bodies will always be alost battle —for our own good.